I'm Confused

I'm confused, or maybe not confused but instead I have a large amount of stress build up. So it's common knowldge that College want languages other than English (bilingualist) but as selfish and careless as I was I haven't ever taken a lanugage course and now I'm stuck.
You see, I've been staring at collages for the past hour and all the ones I'm interested in are Private, In California, and they want languages. Obviously the want 'look-goods' as well such and groups, clubs, sports, ect ect, but all of you know I'm really not that kind of person. Really, it's stressful. I'm not worried about the SAT or the ACT or the Essay or any of the other requirements...but those stupid 'look-goods' and that darn launguage block! *sigh* I don't know what I'm going to do. I suppose I could take a summer school of French and then French next year as well. This is, however, assuming that I have enough required credits in my other classes. 
 
I really want to go to college, even if I don't know what the heck I'm 'going to be when I grow up.' Well I do know what I want to be, but the likelyhood just isn't that great. I don't like being realistic but it's kind of an inborn thing.

I love learning. It's one of my greatest passions. I know some people call me a 'brown noser' and other just a smart-ass but really I can't help it. Certainly there are times when I'd much rather chuck the school books across the room but honestly that's the class and the teacher in themselves. I'm almost completely sure that if I was to sit down with a hunder books that I could entertain myself for at least ten year. Particularly things I know that I'll never need. Things that I think are fastinating are things that have almost nothing to do with my life and I know almost nothing about. I suppose that's what catches my attention. When things stop becoming a mystery to me I stop really caring about them. If I know something happened I don't need the details unless they're unusual. I love learning. It's when teachers are breathing down my neck and my family is biting at my ankles. Get this done, do this, and that. Don't get anything lower than this! Work, work, work! That's the moment I hate the most. the nagging. I don't argue. I don't fight. I say "yes, I know. I'm working on it." or "I want to finish this first. This is more important" and yet they just won't stop. Sometimes it's enough to drive one into insanity. For example: Today I was sitting down taking notes reading Wuthering Heights just like I'm suppose to and my dad walks in "are you doing you're homework?" "Yes" "how much have you gotten done" "Not enough" "Well get to it" "That's what I'm doing" "how much more do you have to do" "about twenty more pages" "Well get it done" "What's what I'm doing dad" "how much more do you have to go now?" "I just answered that three seconds ago!" and then my grandma calls "Hey, I want you to do this. Can you do this? Do you have homework? You've got to do you're homework. Oh but do this too. Tomorrow. Do it all tomorrow." GAHH! I'm working I'm working I'm working I'm working. I had to get switched from my Chem I H class and my dad tells them "She's always doing her homework. Always working. It's too hard" and so the counclier says "Well make her go outside some more." and so I'm like "HECK YEAH LE-WAY" and my agrees but then it's back to homework. Do this do that do this do that work work work work work!. Damn. I coulda sworn I heard break somewhere in there or was that just my NECK!

But really. I'm getting away from myself. I'm posting to talk about school, College, and passion. Like I said I love to learn. I think it's great and if looked at it well enough it's fun. There is a limit though. When learning becomes work it becomes painful. Just with any other love there is pain. People beileve that there is a difference between love of an object, and love of a person. Love of a concept and love of an action. There is no difference. Not to me. I love my dad I love to learn I love my grandma I love to write I love my mom I love to draw. They may not love to hear them compared to such materialist things but it's true. Those special people in my life have shaped it just as those special activies do. To me they are equal to one another.
And if I did have to choose to say that one was more powerful than the other I would have to accept that a single action would conqure each of them. Writing. Above learning, about  painting above all else including myself. It is writing. I love to write because the words I have are the words incorrect for me to speak. Because they are correct for me to shout at the top of my lungs if only my lungs had the air to bear them. I love to write because I can be anyone else in the world, I can know things that naturally would have escaped me. Because I am myself in so many words. I can be more of myself in front of my words than I can be infront of my friends. These words, even these that I speak now are so much more revealing of myself than I can ever be while facing another indiviudal. Not my father nor my mother. Not my Friend or even my pet. I do not embrace these words, but they embrace me. My true colors, my true shape, my true mind. I cannot lie to my writing. I can lie within it. I could say any horrid thing I want but when I write it is honest, to me. As I said before, all love has pain and as I sit and think of my writing it does pain. I feel that I've done it wrong to expose it to others. When I create the words I immeaditly feel an urge to retract them, not as regret but as selfishness. They are my words. They belong to me, but when another reads them and can identify with them, they are also theirs. This may sound rubish to many of you, and maybe it is seeing how I've been ranting for some time now but I feel at a loss. I'm not sure what happened or where but suddenly something has gone missing from my side. Maybe instead something has tipped the scales a little too much and so much is piled into a large mound that I can't find what I'm looking for even if I'm not sure what it is that I've lost.
I'm not sure what to do about my future, about my decisions. It's strange but many talk about the here and now and they don't ever seem to stop. I've got the here and now under control, it's the weeks from now, the months from now that I need help with. I try to plan ahead, I ask questions. Wheather it's for my birthday or a special event or college and almost 70% of the time the people look at me strange and laugh. "You have months to think about that. Why on earth are you caring about that /now/?" I hate it. When I ask advice on little things it's given as if it's a piece of cand. They are answers that I could have found myself if I had looked for a moment or two longer. Or answers that I had concidered but wasn't confindent in making final. It's the bigger questions that I can't even hardly beging to imagin or defin that people refuse to even give an outline.  I say "I know I want this and this and this but I don't know how to get it or what I could do with it when I get it. What can I do to help myself?" often times I hear an "I don't know" or "Well you could [shifts into a completely different subject]" Or lastly (my favorite of rejection answer) "why did the chicken cross the road?" As in no relation to whatsoever. Obviously I'm alone in my own little boat.


Thank You Life.

What is your favorite summer activity on a low budget?

being as this is vegas indoor is much better than outdoor

Reading, (yay)

Writing,

Drawing

Playing tennis (one of the lesser because it's so dang hot >_<)

and sleeping (the heat just wears me out)

   

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You know you’ve been in orchestra too long when….

1. You tell someone they need a mute instead of telling them to “shut up”

2. The three people you hate the most just so happen to play the same instrument you do.

3. You stereotype a person by the type of instrument they play

4. You unconsciously keep the beat to the music on the radio

5. You get angry when you’re fingers are stick from rosin residue

6. You’re favorite sent is that of wood polish

7. The first tattoo you want is a music cleft

8. Orchestra Festival is the most important day of the year

9. You practice everyday

10. You suggest playing, you’re friend run the in the other direction

11. The orchestra direction is your best friend

12. You get excited when you’re given new music to practice on.

13. You consider yourself the master at sight reading

14. Getting a “good” at festival isn’t good enough.

15. You’ve taken your instrument home every day since the sixth grade.

16. You wear your orchestra shirt on the days you don’t have orchestra class

17. You have orchestra class everyday.

18. You Sit on the first three inches of your chair even if you’re not playing

19. You get mad at the teacher for giving 2^nd violin music (when you really play 1^st)

20. You become furious when people only know two instruments in the orchestra.

21. It upsets you if someone confuses you’re instrument for a different type of instrument

22. A bow becomes a weapon

23. You’ve threatened more than one person more than one time with your bow

24. You cry when someone accidentally scratches your instrument

25. You’ve acquired double vision

26. You have spontaneous urges to play your instrument in public places

27. Vibrato is attempted on every note

28. You respond to “HEY ORCHESTRA FREAK!”

29. You don’t get tired after playing for an hour of non-stop playing

30. You often argue that Orchestra is way better than band

31. You’ve worked up arm muscles for playing so often

32. You ask for orchestra supplies for Christmas/birthday

23. You have heated arguments over whether Beethoven or Mozart composed better pieces

24. It becomes a problem when someone says ‘song’ instead of ‘piece’

25. You think it’s worth fighting to get first chair

26. You play more than one instrument

27. You know that the best type of undiscovered music is Classical Rock Quartets

28. You hear strangers talking about orchestra and immediately add yourself in the conversation

29. You keep your nails short to improve proficiency while playing

30. It sets you off when people think there’s a difference between Violins and Fiddles

Role Playing

For everyone/anyone who wants to role play with me. My rules and everything are here

www.freewebs.com/hermionechick8

don't be afraid to check it out.

If you could put together a dream team of 5 bands to perform for you and friends, who would they be?

no matter dead or alive?

Cellofourte (Cello quartet plays rock)
Smash Mouth (Rock and techy)
Eels (way techy rock)
Beetles (oldies everyone knows)
Rolling Stones (")

yeah weird one classical two oldies and two rock. Well the classical is is rock too...haha. They're all rock if you get some really thin string. XD
   

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!